Monday, December 17, 2012

Tragedy

My daughter suffers from rage, major mood swings, uncontrollable tantrums, and at times - before we took the time to figure out what was going on with her, she would hurt her siblings, she would even hurt us.

Now, she is a bright, beautiful, smart, loving, and caring 4 year old who is full of life. How? Well, it was because of the food she was eating. We are still trying to get answers, but I wont give up until I get them.

To think what her life would be like right now, what it was 1 year ago today. I don't know where we would be, I don't know how I would be dealing with her or if I could deal with her. It was hard, more than hard, next to impossible to control her, to help her. I am grateful, so thankful we are getting her help. No, its not life threatening, it could have been manageable, it would have been hell, but we would have dealt with it. But that is no life for a 4 year old, not fair to her, to her siblings or to Josh and I.

The Connecticut shooting took place on Friday. I have been in tears many times over it, but I know it's nothing compared to what those parents, those families of the ones who lost their lives, who were murdered are going through right now.

I drove home in tears that day, thoughts of that happening to my children were going through my head. The thoughts of what those families were feeling at that moment. I fear the loss of my children more than anything else in this world and their worst nightmare just came true. I came home and gave each of the kids a hug and kiss, trying to hold back the tears. What do you tell a 4 year old when she asks why you are crying. They are too young to understand. Heck, I don't even understand it.

This young adult who murdered these 20 children and 6 adults was "mentally ill". Is that what Makenna would be diagnosed with if we didn't push for the doctors to take the time to listen to us, to figure out what was happening with her rather than diagnosing her with some behavioral issue that I knew she did not have because it was "easy"? If I did not push, that is where it was headed.

Today there are so many things added to our foods that should not be in them. So is it the food we are eating that causes some of us to be "mentally ill"? Did we have these psycho's 10 years ago before these companies starting adding crap that was "cheaper" so they can make an extra buck? How many shootings took place 10, 20 years ago compared to today? Just makes me wonder.

Not only do I have four children, three who will be 6 in just under 2 years, I also have a sister who is a very dedicated teacher. I can only imagine how this effected her and her peers. Those teachers were willing to give their lives up for their students, they work hard every day to keep our children safe and what do we give them in return?

The one thing I learned from this is to hold my children even tighter, to give them more kisses and hugs, learn to control my patience with them better. Be a better mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend.

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